How can you stay in the present (mentally) – or get to the present? Here are 5 strategies:

1. Breathe. The idea is that you breathe in. Then you breathe out. This helps you to get centered – and somewhere I read that the space between breathing in and breathing out – that’s the present. So actually, right now, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It’s amazing that we need to be reminded.

2. Stand up straight or sit up straight (if you are physically able to do so). Just pull your head up, straighten your spine, pull in your stomach, and of course, breathe. It’s interesting how making sure we are doing all of these behaviors just pulls us to the present. Apparently there is no chance of multi-minding when we are focused – just for a moment – on standing up straight, pulling our head up and our stomachs in – and, oh, yeah…breathing. Those four tasks take all our concentration and are sometimes enough to break us out of whatever past tense, future tense, or too tense thinking we were in just before.

3. Say, “One thing, right now.” It’s a calming phrase. It helps you to get centered again. “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” Say it over and over as needed. Let people around you know that if/when you get into a “state,” they might help you by saying, “One thing, right now.”

4. If you have an object that helps you focus on the present – then use that. It might be something physical, it might be a picture, it might be a quote. It’s whatever will calm your mind enough to focus on now – just now.

5. Make marmalade. This recommendation comes from D.H. Lawrence’s suggestion: “I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” The idea, of course, is to take up an activity where you need to be focused. Making marmalade, doing repair, engaging in some kind of intricate work….all of these activities require your focus and that you be present. Figure out what your marmalade activity is.

I promised that these were simple – and they are. Yet, we often don’t apply simple solutions. Give one or more of these a try when you need to bring yourself back to NOW – and see if you aren’t more focused and much more peaceful, too.

Let us say that you have decided to close the door to negative people (figuratively, of course). What is tough about this decision is that sometimes the negative people work in our offices (or live in our homes or are related to us in some way). Deciding to “close the door” on the people who are negative is a first step. However, because we may need to interact with these folks on a regular basis, we do have to take further steps after our decision so that it comes to fruition.

We will use the example of metaphorically “closing the door” on your interaction with colleagues who are forever buzzing around and upsetting you and others with their fear-mongering, negativity, and gossip. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common scenario in many workplaces today.

Step one is to say to yourself, “I am closing the door on the gossip and negativity and fear from these three colleagues who have infested my thinking for the last 3 years.”

Step two is to begin to generate the ways that will allow you to accomplish this (and it is not easy, I know!) Here are some possibilities to consider implementing:

1. I will be ready to change the subject whenever one or more of them start talking with me and it is negative.

2. I will specifically speak to each person and let him/her know that I am working hard to stay on the upside instead of the downside and am going to work to focus differently.

3. I will walk away from situations in the office that look like they will turn into negativity sessions.

4. I will learn more about the personal parts of every one of these people’s life so that I can ask questions to help them focus on something good that is happening.

5. I will ask the boss if she/he can encourage all of us to look on the bright side and bring our creativity to situations that seem gloomy.

6. I will resign from particular committees that involve extensive interaction with these three people and seek different opportunities to contribute to the organization.

These are six options. I have no idea what will work in your situation so you can continue generating possible options or modifications to the ideas suggested above.

Is closing the door on negative people as easy as deciding to eat something besides yogurt everyday for lunch? Nope. You’re up to the challenge, though, aren’t you?

If you want your life to be better, if you want something to be different this time next year, if you want your energy focused on the upside instead of the downside, then you will want to open yourself to solutions.  Many are available through the Staying Positive Society – www.StayingPositiveinaFreakedOutWorld.com.  Check it out!

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

In life, “A door must either be shut or open.” (Anonymous); I think that means we need to determine which doors we want to shut and which ones we want to open. For the purposes of this article, let us consider those doors you want to deliberately keep open instead of letting them just slam shut (or gradually close).

Maybe you want to decide to keep the doors open to certain experiences, people, things, behaviors, attitudes, practices, strengths, and more. If so, I recommend that you get a door jamb or a prop of some kind to make SURE that the door stays open. It makes sense that your door jamb is actually a plan you need to put into place (no matter how rudimentary at this point) for how you are going to keep particular doors open. Let’s think about some examples:

• Do you need to set up date night with your honey? Will that happen magically or do you need to establish a plan to make that happen?

• Do you need to get a walking partner to keep you on track with your walking plan? Who should you call? And how about calling him/her today?

• Do you need to hire someone to clean your house so that you can continue to enjoy a productive environment, free of detritus? Might there be people who would be happy to fill this role for you?

• Do you need to enroll in a class to increase your skills in one or more areas so you can stay on the cutting edge? Where might you take such classes? Is there a website you can access – today – to learn more?

• Do you need to call a friend to set up time for lunch? If you want to keep up your relationships, this is one way to do so and it takes deliberate actions on your part. Don’t trust this to chance.

• Do you need to join a group that gives you a weekly boost of instruction, direction, and energy? Then get out there and do so!

“It is your life – and it is your decisions that help to make your life what it is. Make a plan that involves these decisions. Surely you don’t want your decision muscles to get flabby“. H.W. Andrews encourages us by saying,

Not all of your decisions will be correct. None of us is perfect. But if you get into the habit of making decisions, experience will develop your judgment to a point where more and more of your decisions will be right. After all, it is better to be right 51 percent of the time and get something done, than it is to get nothing done because you fear to reach a decision.

Decide to keep the doors wide open to what you want in your life. Then make a plan so your decisions become a reality.

Are you an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person? Do you have some tasks, responsibilities, or projects that you have been procrastinating? I will assume that since you are still reading that the answer is yes to both.

If you have a mental list of items that you are procrastinating, I first recommend that you get them out of your head and on to a piece of paper (or into a document on your computer). Either way, get a list – and then we will work on that list.

I want you to look over your list of procrastinated tasks (projects, etc.) and deliberately, mindfully, and purposefully DECIDE to ask for help on at least one of them. I’ll wait right here while you are doing that.

There are two ways to think about this:

1. Sometimes, you need to ask someone else to help you by doing a particular task, errand, or other commitment and

2. Sometimes, you need to ask someone to handle sometime that you have been handling so that YOU can then complete or make progress on one of your procrastinated items.

For example, let’s say you are procrastinating getting several articles finished – all of which you need to get written and published if you are going to be able to confidently go up for tenure. The help you need to ask for is that your significant other get himself and the kids out of the house with minimum muss and fuss for at least 4 hours every Saturday afternoon, rain or shine. That’s the help you need.

In another case, you have been procrastinating cleaning out the garage. You ask a teenager to come over and help you. You are happy to contribute to this young person’s financial well-being if he will help you get things down out of the rafters, off top shelves, and out of various garage nooks and crannies. And, you will be so happy to have him haul things away to a dumpster, Goodwill, recycling places, etc. when the sifting and sorting are complete. You are not delegating out the garage cleaning – you are asking for the help you need so that you can clean out the garage.

Go through your list now and determine the items where you need to deliberately ask for help. Put the name of the person you will be asking for help. The idea here is to think about the ones you’re procrastinating just because you need some kind of help with getting it done.

Here’s a secret: People are glad to help. They are especially glad to help if you have come across as an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person. I know this from experience.

Here’s another secret: It is hard to ask for help if you have been an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person – and it gets easier. I know this from experience.

Eric Hoffer said,

“A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past.”

When you are deciding where to ‘live’ – in the past, in the future, in the present (or some other cosmic option you might know about) living in the future, just like living in the past, robs us of the present.

Many people over the past year or so have felt a sense of fear, dismay, and negativity that seemed to sweep over people who normally didn’t become fearful and dismayed. This has caused many of us to do some intense thinking about this phenomenon. Let’s think about fear, just a bit.

If you are being chased by a mountain lion or a brown bear, you are afraid – and what you are afraid of, if you really think about it, is the future. It’s your picture, your vision, your imagining that you are going to get clawed, mauled, tossed around, or eaten. You feel fear now (and so would I), but that fear is really about something in the future.

While this may seem a bit dramatic, I want us to get the mental picture of where all fear is directed. It’s always directed in the future. You may want to write that down:

Fear is future-directed.

Even if we are afraid that something we did in the past is going to come back to haunt us – it is not the past that we are really fearful about – it is the future of what will happen when someone (or lots of someones) find out. You can probably think of someone famous in the news right now (no matter when you read this, unfortunately) whose past is jumping up (big time) – but his fear is about the future.

You can probably think of something that you have done that you really, really hope others do not find out about – and you can recognize the fear, worry, and angst that come as we imagine what would happen if people found out. Spending a great deal of time being fearful of the future…based on something from the past, isn’t wise and it certainly isn’t productive.

So, I hope this is clear, that is, that you understand that fear, worry, and anxiety are all future-focused, not present focused. As Tennessee Williams wrote:

“The future is called “perhaps,” which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.”

If you are feeling fearful or worried, see if you need to pull yourself mentally back to the present.  It’s not so scary right here, right now.  Really.

And please, if you want ideas for staying positive, you’re invited to be part of the Staying Positive Society.  

Here are some simple ways to make connections with others (and it is OK to read this even if you are a man).

These are deceptively simple ideas. And, part of what is powerful about them is their simplicity and yet the profundity of what you can accomplish. In the best of all worlds, you could change someone’s life. In most cases, you can brighten the person’s day.

Guess what else? You also brighten your own day by engaging and connecting with others. So, here are ten ways to make connections with others.

1. Write notes. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a quick, preferably hand-written, note.

2. Use social media. Authentically acknowledge what others are doing and saying.

3. Go to lunch. The idea is not to go to lunch by yourself but to go to lunch with someone – for the one and only reason of connecting.

4. Meet for coffee. Just as with #3, you are meeting someone for a beverage just to check in. Surprise someone with an invitation and see what happens.

5. Make a phone call. Out of the blue, call someone you haven’t connected with for awhile. Today.

6. Send a card. Keep a supply of different greeting cards available. If you don’t have just the “perfect” card, then send a standard card with your personalized note in it.

7. Give a hug. If you pay attention, you will notice those who need one.

8. Take food. It can be an entire meal, a treat from your crockpot, some vegetables from your garden, a special take-out dish from a local eatery, or a single cookie or cupcake just to say, “I’m thinking of you.”

9. Put others in touch with one another. You can help others make connections via email, social media, face to face introductions, or a number of other means. Where others take their connections is up to them, but you want to have done your part to tell both parties why you’re making the introduction…and then get out of the way. It’s not about you, it’s about them.

10. Recommend a book. Just the right book at the right time can be a blessing for the person who receives the recommendation. It may be that the book is right or that you were knowledgeable and caring enough to send the recommendation.

Just because these are short doesn’t mean they are to be dismissed.  They are deceptively simple.  You really can make an effort on one of these today – and see what positive connections occur.

To receive weekly sets of 10 productivity tips similar to these, go to www.TopTenProductivityTips.com (and the weekly tips are free).  We are all learning together!

You may have noticed something that I’ve noticed:  Some of the people we are around who are the most negative appear not to be thankful for one single thing. And I have to believe that there is not a person alive who is unable to find something for which to be thankful. What always strikes me are the people who ‘seem’ to have nothing…and yet, they may demonstrate gratitude on a regular basis. Seems we might learn from that.

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.  ~Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

What a great lesson this is, particularly in these times where many are fearing or experiencing bankruptcy. We can feel wealthy through our gratitude, and to share another quote related to the monetary aspect, Frank A. Clark says, “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.” Ponder that one.

Now, here’s a fact: Because too few people display gratitude, when you do, others will be affected and possibly astonished by it. Although this is sad that authentic gratitude is shown too seldom, you can absolutely make someone else’s day – and your day – more positive by clearly and thoughtfully expressing your gratitude.

Now, if you consider the five levels of gratitude to be accept, appreciate, articulate, acknowledge, and affirm/admire, then take a look at the examples below of how you might express gratitude at each of these levels.  

1. Accept – “Thank you.”  

2. Appreciate - “Thank you. I appreciate that you got this done so promptly.”  

3. Articulate - “Thank you. I appreciate that you got this done so promptly. We are not just on schedule, we are ahead of schedule and the citizens of our city will know that we are using their resources carefully and prudently.”  

4. Acknowledge - ”Thank you. I appreciate that you got this done so promptly. We are not just on schedule, we are ahead of schedule and the citizens of our city will know that we are using their resources carefully and prudently. I know this was one of many tasks you needed to handle this week – each of which is important. Again, thank you.”  

5. Affirm/Admire - “Thank you. I appreciate that you got this done so promptly. We are not just on schedule, we are ahead of schedule and the citizens of our city will know that we are using their resources carefully and prudently. I know this was one of many tasks you needed to handle this week – each of which is important. Somehow, no matter what is happening around you and how many demands are put on you, you handle it with aplomb (a-plum) and grace. I admire that quality because it’s not yet one I have. Again, thank you.”

Hmmm…now, you probably noticed that each of these got a little bit longer. And you may think, ‘Hello!? I don’t have time for that.’ I timed myself and it takes 25 seconds to say the last one – with significant pauses.  Frankly, if we have reached a point where we don’t have time at least a few times a day for 15-25 second displays of authentic gratitude, then our world has really become freaked out.  

If it matters to you whether you are able to stay positive in a freaked-out world, you’re invited to be part of the Staying Positive Society – www.StayingPositiveinaFreakedOutWorld.com.  Join us there. 

Have you ever tried to control other people?  How does that work out?  Are any of the folks around you a bit negative?  Can you change that? 

Although we can’t CONTROL others, we can impinge on, have an impact on, and influence them. Knowing what is possible and what is reasonable is the crux of the matter. Attempting to do what is neither possible nor reasonable is where we get ourselves all twisted up in ‘control’ issues – and can become more freaked-out rather than less.

To start, please make a list of 10 different things that are freaking you out right now. And if ‘freaking you out’ is too strong a term, include items that are bugging you or are somehow causing you anxiety. These ten could be work or home related and they can be the BIG things or the little things, however you define them.

• You can think broadly about what is happening in the world;

• You can think about your personal bank account;

• You can think about the tooth that is hurting in your mouth right this minute;

• You can think about your brother who is headed into surgery today…

The list can go on and on, big and small. 

Now that you have this list, let’s begin thinking using a Venn diagram. 

1. Draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape.

2. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control ->Significant Impact ->Some Influence ->Zero Control

Looking at the diagram you have, we will start over on the left. This first circle represents the set of actions, events, people, places, etc. over which you have total control. As you move further over to the right of the diagram, each circle represents sets (using Venn diagram language) over which you have gradually less and less control. Certainly, when you are drawing your own variations of this, you may vary the sizes of these circles to better represent what belongs there if that makes more sense to you to do so.

In this article, we are only going to talk about the first circle, i.e., the one representing the first set of actions, events, people, and so forth. The first circle can be labeled as Total Control, so just write that in if you haven’t already. For all of us who are control freaks, we wish this circle were larger, but it’s not – and the sooner we realize that, the better off we will be and the better off those around us will be. Let’s talk about what actually could go in this first circle.

If you look at the list you made of what is either freaking you out, bugging you, or causing you some anxiety, see which ones are COMPLETELY under your control. My guess is that VERY few of the ones you wrote down, and possibly NONE of the ones you wrote down are totally within your control. Here are some possibilities, however:

1. Your weight. Now I will tell you that my weight is not freaking me out, but it’s a source of anxiety. It’s related to my whole ‘what happened to the young and thin and cute person who still lives in my head but doesn’t show up in the mirror’ thing. For our purposes here, I need to recognize that whether I lose weight or don’t is completely under my control. I could put that in my first circle here.

2. Negative talk coming out of my mouth. If any of us is saying negative, gossipy, cynical, unhelpful words, phrases, and sentences, well…that is completely under our control. Unless someone has Tourette’s or some other condition that I am not aware of, we have control over what comes out of our mouths.

I won’t continue with much explanation here of additional examples, but suffice it to say that pretty much all that we have complete control over is our minds and bodies and many of the aspects of what is related to our minds and bodies. What we say, what we eat, what we wear, what we think, what we do (to an extent) is all under our direction and control. And that’s about it, folks. Sorry. But, knowing that can sure make a difference for you as a person, a family member, an administrator, a colleague, a mentor, a teacher, or whatever other role you find yourself in. 

How is it working for you to be trying to control others?  Probably not so great!  Should you give up or at least try to have some kind of impact on them so that they can be more positive, too (like you are).

Draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control ->Significant Impact ->Some Influence ->Zero Control

Let’s examine the second circle in the diagram, the one labeled as ‘Significant Impact.’ You can’t control everything, but there are certain areas where you can have a significant impact. Make a list of some things that are bugging you (or maybe even completely freaking you out). After making the list, see if there aren’t some items there over which you exert (or could exert) significant impact. Here are some possibilities:

1. Let’s say that your job is bugging you and it’s because you really want to make a change related to this job, for example, leave that job altogether, move up and out of that position, go to a different division, completely change roles within your organization, or catapult yourself out of everything related to this field and type of work. Regardless of which of these or other variations someone might feel, you know you need and want to make a change because you feel a fair amount of angst around it. So, could you have a significant impact on what happens, but not total control? Yes. For example, you could increase your skills by taking classes. You could begin to be more vocal about what your intentions are. You could put the word out on the street that you are open to new possibilities. You could hire a coach to help you clarify what you really want. These are just some of the options that help you move forward.  

2. Another possibility related to the “Significant Impact” set on the Venn diagram would be someone who is freaked out by having a completely overwhelming schedule at work. Maybe there have been cutbacks or someone has quit or you have just shown yourself to be a star so you keep getting assigned more and more. Whatever the reason, you’ve now reached an OMG (Oh, my god) stage of overwhelm and anxiety. You don’t have total control over this, but you do have significant impact on this situation. You could get more organized so that you can be more productive in what you’re doing. You could hire someone to help you with portions of your work. You could ask for extensions of deadlines.  You could reassess what you’re doing and realize that some of it doesn’t matter and doesn’t need to get done. There are lots of options and all of these + the jillions I didn’t list, help to make an impact on your overwhelmed situation.

This second circle, Significant Impact, is the one where it makes sense to pay particular attention because we CAN exert significant impact and so it is worthy of our time, attention, and other resources to focus on what is in this circle.

“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.” ~ William Faulkner

Being grateful and letting others know that you are thankful for them or for something that they are doing makes an extraordinary difference for you and for them. My dad would say it was a “double-whammy.”

Draw a diagram with a small circle at the center and then 4 circles around that first one – with each one radiating above the first one.  You will be labeling these as you read the article and learn about the five levels of gratitude. 

We’ll start with the innermost one which I drew as orange. This is the smallest circle in your diagram and is relatively the least expressive level of gratitude. It is the level where you accept, with gratitude, something that someone else has said or done.

The way you can easily express this is by saying ‘Thank you.’ Although I have just said that this is the least expressive, I don’t mean it as a pejorative term. If everyone said ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ that all by itself would make a difference. It is what my parents taught me and it has served me well in my lifetime as I hope it has in yours.

The next level up is Appreciate. This is the second most expressive level and is where you not only say thank you, but you also let the person know what it is that you appreciate. You might say, “Thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions.” Now whoever it is you are expressing gratitude to knows more specifically what it is that you appreciate and that your thank you wasn’t just an offhand remark.

The third level is Articulate. At this level, you are investing more of yourself in your response and you are going to have even more of an impact on the person receiving your gratitude. For example, you might say, “Thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and now I feel more able to maneuver this website with confidence.” You articulate more specifically what it is that you are grateful for.

The fourth level is Acknowledge. Here’s how that might sound. “Thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and now I feel more able to maneuver this website with confidence. You were patient with me even though I know you had a line of people on hold who also needed your help.” You are acknowledging what this person’s help meant and that it may have ‘cost’ that person something to be able to help you.

When you move to this level of engagement and gratitude, you can feel the shifts within yourself and you can see the shifts within the other person. Note, however, that even if you can’t see the shifts in the other person, it has changed you…you don’t have control over the other person, only over yourself. Just a little reminder from the week before last, in case you’ve forgotten.

And now for the highest level, for which I couldn’t just choose one word, known as the Affirm/Admire level. Staying with our same scenario, if you take your gratitude – and express it – at this highest level, you might say something like this: “Thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and now I feel more able to maneuver this website with confidence. You were patient with me even though I know you had a line of people on hold who also needed your help. I hope you know that you are making a difference today because of your knowledge and patience, not just for me but for all the people you help. I admire that in you and hope that others also express their gratitude, but if they don’t, just figure that I’m speaking for all of them.”

Every ONE of us needs to be affirmed and admired and I don’t care what your personality type is. Granted, some of us need it more than others, but human beings want and need to have others notice what we do and know that we are admired and supported in our efforts. This is true for someone who has supposedly ‘made it,’ whatever that means – or for someone who appears to have a lower station in life. And, please, know very well, as I think all of you do, that whatever station people currently occupy in life, if they didn’t do what they do to help and sustain the rest of us, we’d be in a world of hurt. That’s true in every country.

Another quote:  “A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.”  ~An Anonymous Author