Successful people are productive people. Part of being productive is taking control over those areas where you can exert some control. Here are 10 areas of your personal and professional life over which you can exert some control:

1. What you wear. I’m assuming that if you are reading this article, you are an adult. So you get to choose what you wear.

2. What you think. Exert the executive control that is part of the mature human’s brain. You are not a goldfish.

3. Those with whom you associate. We are defined partly by those with whom we associate. It has been said that others know who we are if they know who we “hang out” with. Associate with the best. If you want to grow and be successful, be around others who are growing and being successful. Duds hang out with duds.

4. How you spend your time. You have 168 hours each week…just like everyone else. It’s the great equalizer. What makes the difference is how you spend (or invest) that time.

5. What you do with your money. You get to decide where your money goes. Really.

6. Where you work. If you find yourself complaining day after day, week after week, month after month, or (heaven forbid) year after year about your job, your boss, your profession, then make a change. You choose.

7. Your responses to others. You can control whether you allow others to offend you, make you mad, give you joy, insult you, inform you, edify you, build you up, support you, or…

8. Your attitude. As an adult, you get to decide whether you are positive or negative, open or closed, and so on. Take a good look at your attitude and see if you think it is the attitude of someone who is successful.

9. Portions of your environment. Take control over the aspects of your environment that you can (lighting, colors, clutter, etc.)

10. What you ingest, including food and drink. By the time you are out of your teens, you have a pretty decent sense of what food and beverages work for you and which ones don’t. Have more of the ones that work for you and less of the ones that do not. No one is forcing you to do any differently. It’s under your control.

My belief is that we all have more control than we think we do…at least over those items that I’ve listed above. Be thankful for the control you have and use it in a productive manner.

Have you failed lately? It’s hard to imagine anyone reading this who hasn’t failed in a big or small way in the last few days.

So, think of a current failure. If you are like me, you do not have to think too long about this. You may have felt failure as a parent, as a spouse or partner, as a child, as a boss, as a neighbor, as a human… I know I have quite a few failures that I can refer to – just from recent days and weeks.

So, get one of these failures in mind. Got it? Now, what are you most grateful for about that failure?

Really…answer that and stop reading for a few minutes to to give yourself time to consider this. What are you thankful for about your failure? You might just think about it, write it down, or say it out loud.

Depending on what it is you have identified as your failure, there are a multitude of possibilities for which you could be thankful. I can’t even list them all because I can’t even think of all the possible failures you’ve had. A few possibilities though, are that, because you “failed,”

• A relationship was ultimately strengthened

• You got a job you like better than the one you had

• You learned to measure your words before letting them come spilling out – and this helped you in a situation where the consequences of letting them spill out would have been significant

• You had a discussion with someone about your failure and found some solutions or possible help

• You met someone after you hit her car at the grocery store (with your car)

• You got feedback on a presentation you did that you will use when creating an upcoming presentation (that is of even more importance than the one you ‘messed up on’)

• And the list goes on and on….

As Michel de Montaigne said, “There are defeats more triumphant than victories.” You may not have had one of these triumphant defeats or failures in the last few days – or maybe you have. I will bet you can think of one of them from this recent year, however.

Ponder – and be thankful for – those defeats, i.e., those failures. Begin to announce mentally and verbally your thankfulness for failure. It is very attractive.

Let me say again, be grateful for your failures. With each failure, say a word of thanks. As Meister Eckhard said,

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Can you change some of the events that are currently stressing you out?  Are there others over which you really have no control or even any influence?   Hmmm…it might be time to consider what belongs in the various categories for you.

To help you visualize the idea we’re talking about in this article, just draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control -> Significant Impact -> Some Influence -> Zero Control

Take a look at the third circle and label it as ‘Some Influence’ on your Venn diagram.  What belongs here are those people, situations, activities, thoughts, etc. over which you have…yes, ‘some influence,’ but not any control.  Make a list now for each of the following – i.e, a list of those where you may have some influence (vs. control):

• People

• Situations

• Activities

• Thoughts

• Responsibilities

• Other

I hope you stopped yourself before you wrote down some of your first ideas in these categories.  For example, if you thought, ‘Well, the situation with the stock market is really upsetting me,’ but then you realized that you have essentially no control over that – and essentially no influence.  So, there’s no sense to continue worrying about it, right?  I know this is easier said than done.    

Recognize that your influence may be felt in myriad ways.  For example, 

1. Let’s say the plight of women in underdeveloped countries weighs on your mind constantly. You read about it, worry about it, talk about it, and just feel a heaviness about it nearly constantly. You don’t have complete control over what happens and while you could make choices that would allow you to have significant impact on certain women, realistically, this is something you could classify in the ‘Some Influence’ category. You could write articles, write letters, post on blogs to bring the untenable situation these women are in. Think about what Nicholas Kristoff does in this area, for example, in his writing for the New York Times. Or, you could donate money that would make a difference. You could pray. You could engage in many different practices that would influence what is happening in this area

2. Another example of something that would be in the ‘Some Influence’ circle would be your distress over some of the actions and decisions of people in government. You can’t control that and in most cases, you can’t make a Significant Impact, but you can exert Some Influence. Whether it’s by voting, voicing your opinion, appearing on various shows, energizing your neighbors, writing, or many other options. Recognize that you will have some influence when you do this, but it’s not under your control.

As an adult, particularly as an adult who wants to maximize productivity and contribution to the world, figuring out where you can influence what is happening is crucial.  Do some thinking on this and recognize whether you might have been spending some time unproductively trying to ‘make’ something happen (or ‘make someone change’ – ha! We know how well that works).  Instead, exert your influence – and make a difference where you can. 

Do you radiate positive energy?  Does it have an impact on others?  Are you unsure about what qualities you may want to be radiating out to others?

Winston Churchill said:

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

There are people you know (and I know) who radiate everything that is positive (vs. everything that is negative). For example, contrast the person who radiates

• Passion vs. Apathy

• Positivity vs. Negativity

• Kindness vs. Disdain

• Thankfulness vs. Ingratitude

• Light vs. Darkness

• Creativity vs. Destruction

• Optimism vs. Pessimism

• Brightness vs. Dullness

• Intensity vs. Colorlessness

You can probably think of additional contrasting pairs. We want to think about the positive radiance factor of the ones in the first part of each pair when we are assessing ourselves on the Radiance Scale.

First, let’s look at two definitions of radiance from www.MyFavoriteThesaurus.com:

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Hmmm…sounds nice doesn’t it?

Let me explain the idea of the concept of a Radiance Scale.  Draw a series of embedded circles.  Put at least 5 circles with each one somewhat larger until you have filled up your page.

YOU are at the base or core of the Scale. You will want to consider how metaphorically ‘radiant’ you are (using our previous definition, i.e.,

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Once you have thought about your particular radiance, you can begin to determine how far out you radiate through the various layers of other people.

There are ways of thinking of who else is in the various strata and how far out your impact goes through them. You could think of family as being near the center of the diagram, co-workers maybe being a little bit further out, acquaintances being in the next level, and those you don’t know being toward the outside.

There is not one way to think of this because each of our lives are structured differently and are intertwined with other people’s lives in a host of ways.

As you consider the idea of a Radiance Scale and make your own assessment, ask yourself these questions:

1. How radiant am I?

2. Do I display light, gratitude, optimism, hope, and delight – and at what intensity?

3. Do I want to increase my radiance so that I glow or shine even more? Or, would it be better if I turned it down a bit?

As an adult, you can exercise the executive functions you possess as a part of your cognitive system as an adult human being. You can use those executive functions to control and manage your other cognitive processes. So, determine your radiance and then strategically control and manage it so that YOU, first and foremost, are taken care of and then, and only then, can you strategically make an impact on others. 

1. Sanctioned - Say to yourself, this is my sanctioned writing time. It’s very honoring.

2. Protected - Say to someone in your family, “This is my protected writing time. Let’s work around that.”

3. Scheduled - Say to a person who asks for time when you are scheduled to be writing, “This is my scheduled writing time, but what about _____ as an alternative?”

4. Sacrosanct - This just sounds like a good word for a writer to say about his/her writing time, doesn’t it?

5. Strategic - Use this word to describe your writing time to someone who thinks strategically and needs to understand that writers are also planful and deliberate, not just playing.

6. Required - If you are a writer (and I assume you are because you’re reading this), you are required to write or you aren’t a writer any more.

7. Non-negotiable - There are people who consider their Saturday afternoon nap time non-negotiable so I think you can describe your writing time as non-negotiable. If it is, that is…

8. Dedicated - You may need to say this one to yourself.

9. No-Matter-What - You might use this one out of desperation when you are up against a deadline. Saying it out of desperation is not very powerful, but if it works, then use it. If, however, you have used some of the ones earlier on the list, you are less likely to get into a desperate mode.

10. Unless there’s blood or bone in evidence, not to be disturbed… Generally, this is one that needs to be used by mothers, graduate advisors, and the like. It’s when the “children,” (be they actual children or adults who act like children) can’t seem to make any decisions when the “parent” is not there to referee. Use this if you need to.

If you need to practice, then please do. Imagine the scenario where you have 10 – noon on Thursday as your protected writing time. When someone asks if you can meet then, you say, “I can’t meet then because that is my required writing time. How about meeting at noon or anytime later that afternoon?”

Note: When I was sharing this list with people in one of my writing groups, one person said that the word she uses to talk about her dedicated writing time is, “MINE!” I like it!

How can you stay in the present (mentally) – or get to the present? Here are 5 strategies:

1. Breathe. The idea is that you breathe in. Then you breathe out. This helps you to get centered – and somewhere I read that the space between breathing in and breathing out – that’s the present. So actually, right now, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It’s amazing that we need to be reminded.

2. Stand up straight or sit up straight (if you are physically able to do so). Just pull your head up, straighten your spine, pull in your stomach, and of course, breathe. It’s interesting how making sure we are doing all of these behaviors just pulls us to the present. Apparently there is no chance of multi-minding when we are focused – just for a moment – on standing up straight, pulling our head up and our stomachs in – and, oh, yeah…breathing. Those four tasks take all our concentration and are sometimes enough to break us out of whatever past tense, future tense, or too tense thinking we were in just before.

3. Say, “One thing, right now.” It’s a calming phrase. It helps you to get centered again. “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” Say it over and over as needed. Let people around you know that if/when you get into a “state,” they might help you by saying, “One thing, right now.”

4. If you have an object that helps you focus on the present – then use that. It might be something physical, it might be a picture, it might be a quote. It’s whatever will calm your mind enough to focus on now – just now.

5. Make marmalade. This recommendation comes from D.H. Lawrence’s suggestion: “I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” The idea, of course, is to take up an activity where you need to be focused. Making marmalade, doing repair, engaging in some kind of intricate work….all of these activities require your focus and that you be present. Figure out what your marmalade activity is.

I promised that these were simple – and they are. Yet, we often don’t apply simple solutions. Give one or more of these a try when you need to bring yourself back to NOW – and see if you aren’t more focused and much more peaceful, too.

Let us say that you have decided to close the door to negative people (figuratively, of course). What is tough about this decision is that sometimes the negative people work in our offices (or live in our homes or are related to us in some way). Deciding to “close the door” on the people who are negative is a first step. However, because we may need to interact with these folks on a regular basis, we do have to take further steps after our decision so that it comes to fruition.

We will use the example of metaphorically “closing the door” on your interaction with colleagues who are forever buzzing around and upsetting you and others with their fear-mongering, negativity, and gossip. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common scenario in many workplaces today.

Step one is to say to yourself, “I am closing the door on the gossip and negativity and fear from these three colleagues who have infested my thinking for the last 3 years.”

Step two is to begin to generate the ways that will allow you to accomplish this (and it is not easy, I know!) Here are some possibilities to consider implementing:

1. I will be ready to change the subject whenever one or more of them start talking with me and it is negative.

2. I will specifically speak to each person and let him/her know that I am working hard to stay on the upside instead of the downside and am going to work to focus differently.

3. I will walk away from situations in the office that look like they will turn into negativity sessions.

4. I will learn more about the personal parts of every one of these people’s life so that I can ask questions to help them focus on something good that is happening.

5. I will ask the boss if she/he can encourage all of us to look on the bright side and bring our creativity to situations that seem gloomy.

6. I will resign from particular committees that involve extensive interaction with these three people and seek different opportunities to contribute to the organization.

These are six options. I have no idea what will work in your situation so you can continue generating possible options or modifications to the ideas suggested above.

Is closing the door on negative people as easy as deciding to eat something besides yogurt everyday for lunch? Nope. You’re up to the challenge, though, aren’t you?

If you want your life to be better, if you want something to be different this time next year, if you want your energy focused on the upside instead of the downside, then you will want to open yourself to solutions.  Many are available through the Staying Positive Society – www.StayingPositiveinaFreakedOutWorld.com.  Check it out!

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

In life, “A door must either be shut or open.” (Anonymous); I think that means we need to determine which doors we want to shut and which ones we want to open. For the purposes of this article, let us consider those doors you want to deliberately keep open instead of letting them just slam shut (or gradually close).

Maybe you want to decide to keep the doors open to certain experiences, people, things, behaviors, attitudes, practices, strengths, and more. If so, I recommend that you get a door jamb or a prop of some kind to make SURE that the door stays open. It makes sense that your door jamb is actually a plan you need to put into place (no matter how rudimentary at this point) for how you are going to keep particular doors open. Let’s think about some examples:

• Do you need to set up date night with your honey? Will that happen magically or do you need to establish a plan to make that happen?

• Do you need to get a walking partner to keep you on track with your walking plan? Who should you call? And how about calling him/her today?

• Do you need to hire someone to clean your house so that you can continue to enjoy a productive environment, free of detritus? Might there be people who would be happy to fill this role for you?

• Do you need to enroll in a class to increase your skills in one or more areas so you can stay on the cutting edge? Where might you take such classes? Is there a website you can access – today – to learn more?

• Do you need to call a friend to set up time for lunch? If you want to keep up your relationships, this is one way to do so and it takes deliberate actions on your part. Don’t trust this to chance.

• Do you need to join a group that gives you a weekly boost of instruction, direction, and energy? Then get out there and do so!

“It is your life – and it is your decisions that help to make your life what it is. Make a plan that involves these decisions. Surely you don’t want your decision muscles to get flabby“. H.W. Andrews encourages us by saying,

Not all of your decisions will be correct. None of us is perfect. But if you get into the habit of making decisions, experience will develop your judgment to a point where more and more of your decisions will be right. After all, it is better to be right 51 percent of the time and get something done, than it is to get nothing done because you fear to reach a decision.

Decide to keep the doors wide open to what you want in your life. Then make a plan so your decisions become a reality.

Are you an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person? Do you have some tasks, responsibilities, or projects that you have been procrastinating? I will assume that since you are still reading that the answer is yes to both.

If you have a mental list of items that you are procrastinating, I first recommend that you get them out of your head and on to a piece of paper (or into a document on your computer). Either way, get a list – and then we will work on that list.

I want you to look over your list of procrastinated tasks (projects, etc.) and deliberately, mindfully, and purposefully DECIDE to ask for help on at least one of them. I’ll wait right here while you are doing that.

There are two ways to think about this:

1. Sometimes, you need to ask someone else to help you by doing a particular task, errand, or other commitment and

2. Sometimes, you need to ask someone to handle sometime that you have been handling so that YOU can then complete or make progress on one of your procrastinated items.

For example, let’s say you are procrastinating getting several articles finished – all of which you need to get written and published if you are going to be able to confidently go up for tenure. The help you need to ask for is that your significant other get himself and the kids out of the house with minimum muss and fuss for at least 4 hours every Saturday afternoon, rain or shine. That’s the help you need.

In another case, you have been procrastinating cleaning out the garage. You ask a teenager to come over and help you. You are happy to contribute to this young person’s financial well-being if he will help you get things down out of the rafters, off top shelves, and out of various garage nooks and crannies. And, you will be so happy to have him haul things away to a dumpster, Goodwill, recycling places, etc. when the sifting and sorting are complete. You are not delegating out the garage cleaning – you are asking for the help you need so that you can clean out the garage.

Go through your list now and determine the items where you need to deliberately ask for help. Put the name of the person you will be asking for help. The idea here is to think about the ones you’re procrastinating just because you need some kind of help with getting it done.

Here’s a secret: People are glad to help. They are especially glad to help if you have come across as an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person. I know this from experience.

Here’s another secret: It is hard to ask for help if you have been an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person – and it gets easier. I know this from experience.

Eric Hoffer said,

“A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past.”

When you are deciding where to ‘live’ – in the past, in the future, in the present (or some other cosmic option you might know about) living in the future, just like living in the past, robs us of the present.

Many people over the past year or so have felt a sense of fear, dismay, and negativity that seemed to sweep over people who normally didn’t become fearful and dismayed. This has caused many of us to do some intense thinking about this phenomenon. Let’s think about fear, just a bit.

If you are being chased by a mountain lion or a brown bear, you are afraid – and what you are afraid of, if you really think about it, is the future. It’s your picture, your vision, your imagining that you are going to get clawed, mauled, tossed around, or eaten. You feel fear now (and so would I), but that fear is really about something in the future.

While this may seem a bit dramatic, I want us to get the mental picture of where all fear is directed. It’s always directed in the future. You may want to write that down:

Fear is future-directed.

Even if we are afraid that something we did in the past is going to come back to haunt us – it is not the past that we are really fearful about – it is the future of what will happen when someone (or lots of someones) find out. You can probably think of someone famous in the news right now (no matter when you read this, unfortunately) whose past is jumping up (big time) – but his fear is about the future.

You can probably think of something that you have done that you really, really hope others do not find out about – and you can recognize the fear, worry, and angst that come as we imagine what would happen if people found out. Spending a great deal of time being fearful of the future…based on something from the past, isn’t wise and it certainly isn’t productive.

So, I hope this is clear, that is, that you understand that fear, worry, and anxiety are all future-focused, not present focused. As Tennessee Williams wrote:

“The future is called “perhaps,” which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.”

If you are feeling fearful or worried, see if you need to pull yourself mentally back to the present.  It’s not so scary right here, right now.  Really.

And please, if you want ideas for staying positive, you’re invited to be part of the Staying Positive Society.