Can you change some of the events that are currently stressing you out?  Are there others over which you really have no control or even any influence?   Hmmm…it might be time to consider what belongs in the various categories for you.

To help you visualize the idea we’re talking about in this article, just draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control -> Significant Impact -> Some Influence -> Zero Control

Take a look at the third circle and label it as ‘Some Influence’ on your Venn diagram.  What belongs here are those people, situations, activities, thoughts, etc. over which you have…yes, ‘some influence,’ but not any control.  Make a list now for each of the following – i.e, a list of those where you may have some influence (vs. control):

• People

• Situations

• Activities

• Thoughts

• Responsibilities

• Other

I hope you stopped yourself before you wrote down some of your first ideas in these categories.  For example, if you thought, ‘Well, the situation with the stock market is really upsetting me,’ but then you realized that you have essentially no control over that – and essentially no influence.  So, there’s no sense to continue worrying about it, right?  I know this is easier said than done.    

Recognize that your influence may be felt in myriad ways.  For example, 

1. Let’s say the plight of women in underdeveloped countries weighs on your mind constantly. You read about it, worry about it, talk about it, and just feel a heaviness about it nearly constantly. You don’t have complete control over what happens and while you could make choices that would allow you to have significant impact on certain women, realistically, this is something you could classify in the ‘Some Influence’ category. You could write articles, write letters, post on blogs to bring the untenable situation these women are in. Think about what Nicholas Kristoff does in this area, for example, in his writing for the New York Times. Or, you could donate money that would make a difference. You could pray. You could engage in many different practices that would influence what is happening in this area

2. Another example of something that would be in the ‘Some Influence’ circle would be your distress over some of the actions and decisions of people in government. You can’t control that and in most cases, you can’t make a Significant Impact, but you can exert Some Influence. Whether it’s by voting, voicing your opinion, appearing on various shows, energizing your neighbors, writing, or many other options. Recognize that you will have some influence when you do this, but it’s not under your control.

As an adult, particularly as an adult who wants to maximize productivity and contribution to the world, figuring out where you can influence what is happening is crucial.  Do some thinking on this and recognize whether you might have been spending some time unproductively trying to ‘make’ something happen (or ‘make someone change’ – ha! We know how well that works).  Instead, exert your influence – and make a difference where you can. 

Do you radiate positive energy?  Does it have an impact on others?  Are you unsure about what qualities you may want to be radiating out to others?

Winston Churchill said:

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

There are people you know (and I know) who radiate everything that is positive (vs. everything that is negative). For example, contrast the person who radiates

• Passion vs. Apathy

• Positivity vs. Negativity

• Kindness vs. Disdain

• Thankfulness vs. Ingratitude

• Light vs. Darkness

• Creativity vs. Destruction

• Optimism vs. Pessimism

• Brightness vs. Dullness

• Intensity vs. Colorlessness

You can probably think of additional contrasting pairs. We want to think about the positive radiance factor of the ones in the first part of each pair when we are assessing ourselves on the Radiance Scale.

First, let’s look at two definitions of radiance from www.MyFavoriteThesaurus.com:

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Hmmm…sounds nice doesn’t it?

Let me explain the idea of the concept of a Radiance Scale.  Draw a series of embedded circles.  Put at least 5 circles with each one somewhat larger until you have filled up your page.

YOU are at the base or core of the Scale. You will want to consider how metaphorically ‘radiant’ you are (using our previous definition, i.e.,

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Once you have thought about your particular radiance, you can begin to determine how far out you radiate through the various layers of other people.

There are ways of thinking of who else is in the various strata and how far out your impact goes through them. You could think of family as being near the center of the diagram, co-workers maybe being a little bit further out, acquaintances being in the next level, and those you don’t know being toward the outside.

There is not one way to think of this because each of our lives are structured differently and are intertwined with other people’s lives in a host of ways.

As you consider the idea of a Radiance Scale and make your own assessment, ask yourself these questions:

1. How radiant am I?

2. Do I display light, gratitude, optimism, hope, and delight – and at what intensity?

3. Do I want to increase my radiance so that I glow or shine even more? Or, would it be better if I turned it down a bit?

As an adult, you can exercise the executive functions you possess as a part of your cognitive system as an adult human being. You can use those executive functions to control and manage your other cognitive processes. So, determine your radiance and then strategically control and manage it so that YOU, first and foremost, are taken care of and then, and only then, can you strategically make an impact on others. 

As a leader, do you want to be considered a lion – or a sheep? I think I know the answer, but in case you need any additional encouragement, consider these characteristics of sheep:

1. Timid, fearful, easily panicked

Hmm…are these words that you want to be used to describe you? Timidity in the face of today’s challenges doesn’t seem like the attribute we want to be displaying as leaders.

2. Dumb, stupid, gullible

Clearly, the sheep characteristic of being stupid or gullible is one to eschew. 

3. Stampede easily, vulnerable to mob psychology

Oh, my goodness. Look at this one. I think all of us are seeing examples of sheep all around us. All you have to do is turn on the news and see the mob psychology that is going on. But let’s think about the workplace or other places where you spend substantial amounts of time. It only takes a few to get everyone else worked up. With universities – as just one example – taking tremendous cuts, many faculty and staff are taking on the group’s mentality instead of seeking out their own mentality. 

4. Little or no means of self-defense; can only run

Sheep have no means of self-defense, so of course they run. As a leader, you are stronger than that and you do have means of self-defense – from negativity or other difficult situations.

5. Easily killed by enemies

Although this characteristic of sheep applies to completely killing the animal, for us, let’s consider that we don’t want to be figuratively killed off. We don’t want to lose our focus, our drive, our heart, our purpose, our intent, our strength, or any of the rest of what makes us who we are. Sadly, I talk with people sometimes who say, “I’ve lost my way,” or “I just feel dead inside,” or other similar phrasing. As leaders, you need to keep your focus and intent.

6. Jealous, competitive for dominance

Envy and jealousy are two of the less-attractive emotions. Domination is never particularly attractive either. So that’s all I’m going to say here.

7. Easily “cast” that is, flipped over on their back, sometimes from too much wool. Sheep are unable to right themselves and will die of starvation if not turned over by shepherd.

WOW…this is a very interesting one, I think. Sheep can be flipped over and then can’t get back up without the shepherd turning them back over. Helpless.

8. Need the most care of all livestock

Can we say, “Needy?” A “needy” leader. Not a pleasant image, is it? If you are high-maintenance, that might be considered sheep-like. Baaaa…

Leaders need to be lion-like rather than sheep-like. I know you know that, but if you need encouragement,

Write down a problem that you have been trying to deal with (or that you’ve ignored) in your business.

I’ll wait.

OK. I’ll assume you have that written down. Now, change the wording of that problem into a question.

I’ll wait.

OK. I will assume that you now have a great question posed. You want a question that is begging for an answer. You don’t have to write it already knowing the answer…you just have to write it as if you expect an answer (from somewhere, anywhere!)

Now you go to the really fun part, which is generating at least 30 responses to whatever the question is that you asked. Just number a piece of paper, put your question at the top and start writing.

I am quite sure that you might be thinking, “Oh, brother, Meggin. Are you nuts? I can’t come up with 30 ideas, answers, alternatives, ways, or any other label for this question. That’s impossible.”

Actually, no, it’s not impossible. Pretty much the first 12, 13, 14 or so ideas that you or your team generate are the ones you need to get out of the way to allow the really good ones to come through. So often, we stop right about the 12 -15 mark (if we even get that far). And while the real answer MIGHT be in that group, if you don’t push past that, you won’t really know. I can literally feel a shift when I blast through the first easy ones. It’s quite interesting and fascinating (and very cool). Dee Hock said,

The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out. Every mind is a building filled with archaic furniture. Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it.

This activity is one way to do this. Start writing and feel free to blast right past the 30 mark. There is nothing magical about 30 and certainly should not be seen as an upper limit. I just needed to give you a target that was well past the dozen where you’re likely to write the standard responses. You need and want to get to the newer, fresher, more creative ideas.

So just write. Don’t stop. Don’t think you’ve exhausted the answers. As long as you have working brain cells, there are more ideas.

NOW you have some ideas and solutions to choose from. I believe with my whole heart, that there are no problems that cannot be solved through people putting their creative minds to work.

Join me in that belief and in living that way.

Student evaluations are a part of every faculty member’s life. Some consider them to be a positive part of the academic life and others dismiss them as a meaningless exercise (or even worse, as a detriment to good teaching).

You might as well know that I come down on the side of student evaluations being a necessary and worthwhile component of teaching at the college and university level. I also received – and I believe, earned – great student evaluations over the 19 years that I taught undergraduate and graduate students. This wasn’t a fluke.

Here are six suggestions for ensuring that you earn and receive high evaluations from students:

1. Teach well. This may sound like I’m making a flip comment, but it is not intended to be so. First and foremost, if you want to earn great student evaluations, you need to be a great teacher. Some people teach well almost naturally, it seems. Others have to work VERY hard at becoming great teachers. No matter how good you already are, work to be even better. That’s your first tip – and not one to ignore.

2. Determine what you want students to write on your evaluations. For example, I wanted to students to write “I’ve never worked so hard in a class and I’ve never learned so much.” You may have a very clear sense of what you want students to write or you may need to do some extra thinking about this.

3. Tell students on the first day of class, “Here is what I am expecting to have you write on my evaluations at the end of the semester.” Then tell them. You have the phrasing for this after you complete tip #5. You are letting them know what you want and are beginning to install that kind of thinking for them. This also helps them know what your expectations are – and I always assure the students how I will be working so that I earn whatever the positive comments are that they will be making.

4. Teach your classes with whatever it is that you want students to write in mind. This includes your preparation, your demeanor in the classroom, your interactions with students, the grading of their assignments, etc. You are making sure that you earn and deserve the good evaluations that you are going to receive. The idea is that you are delivering on the “goods.”

5. Begin doing course evaluations no later than the end of the third week of class. This may sound crazy and even a little scary, but…you want to begin asking early and often (within reason, of course) how the class is going for the students. You can ask them to do informal evaluations or you can do more formal evaluations. I prefer short, frequent check-ins with students to see if there are areas where I am not doing well and that I am willing to address (e.g., if they think my expectations are too high, I am not likely to change that, but if they say I spend too long explaining something that had already been explained in the syllabus and they would rather I told people to go back and reread the syllabus, well…that’s good feedback for me).

No matter how magnificent you are as a teacher, you will always have a few students who don’t give you a “high” ranking. But if you use the ideas that are in this article, you will have the majority of students providing a fair, respectful, and good evaluation of your teaching. I know from experience and from helping lots of others with this.

How can you stay in the present (mentally) – or get to the present? Here are 5 strategies:

1. Breathe. The idea is that you breathe in. Then you breathe out. This helps you to get centered – and somewhere I read that the space between breathing in and breathing out – that’s the present. So actually, right now, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It’s amazing that we need to be reminded.

2. Stand up straight or sit up straight (if you are physically able to do so). Just pull your head up, straighten your spine, pull in your stomach, and of course, breathe. It’s interesting how making sure we are doing all of these behaviors just pulls us to the present. Apparently there is no chance of multi-minding when we are focused – just for a moment – on standing up straight, pulling our head up and our stomachs in – and, oh, yeah…breathing. Those four tasks take all our concentration and are sometimes enough to break us out of whatever past tense, future tense, or too tense thinking we were in just before.

3. Say, “One thing, right now.” It’s a calming phrase. It helps you to get centered again. “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” Say it over and over as needed. Let people around you know that if/when you get into a “state,” they might help you by saying, “One thing, right now.”

4. If you have an object that helps you focus on the present – then use that. It might be something physical, it might be a picture, it might be a quote. It’s whatever will calm your mind enough to focus on now – just now.

5. Make marmalade. This recommendation comes from D.H. Lawrence’s suggestion: “I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” The idea, of course, is to take up an activity where you need to be focused. Making marmalade, doing repair, engaging in some kind of intricate work….all of these activities require your focus and that you be present. Figure out what your marmalade activity is.

I promised that these were simple – and they are. Yet, we often don’t apply simple solutions. Give one or more of these a try when you need to bring yourself back to NOW – and see if you aren’t more focused and much more peaceful, too.

Let us say that you have decided to close the door to negative people (figuratively, of course). What is tough about this decision is that sometimes the negative people work in our offices (or live in our homes or are related to us in some way). Deciding to “close the door” on the people who are negative is a first step. However, because we may need to interact with these folks on a regular basis, we do have to take further steps after our decision so that it comes to fruition.

We will use the example of metaphorically “closing the door” on your interaction with colleagues who are forever buzzing around and upsetting you and others with their fear-mongering, negativity, and gossip. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common scenario in many workplaces today.

Step one is to say to yourself, “I am closing the door on the gossip and negativity and fear from these three colleagues who have infested my thinking for the last 3 years.”

Step two is to begin to generate the ways that will allow you to accomplish this (and it is not easy, I know!) Here are some possibilities to consider implementing:

1. I will be ready to change the subject whenever one or more of them start talking with me and it is negative.

2. I will specifically speak to each person and let him/her know that I am working hard to stay on the upside instead of the downside and am going to work to focus differently.

3. I will walk away from situations in the office that look like they will turn into negativity sessions.

4. I will learn more about the personal parts of every one of these people’s life so that I can ask questions to help them focus on something good that is happening.

5. I will ask the boss if she/he can encourage all of us to look on the bright side and bring our creativity to situations that seem gloomy.

6. I will resign from particular committees that involve extensive interaction with these three people and seek different opportunities to contribute to the organization.

These are six options. I have no idea what will work in your situation so you can continue generating possible options or modifications to the ideas suggested above.

Is closing the door on negative people as easy as deciding to eat something besides yogurt everyday for lunch? Nope. You’re up to the challenge, though, aren’t you?

If you want your life to be better, if you want something to be different this time next year, if you want your energy focused on the upside instead of the downside, then you will want to open yourself to solutions.  Many are available through the Staying Positive Society – www.StayingPositiveinaFreakedOutWorld.com.  Check it out!

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

In life, “A door must either be shut or open.” (Anonymous); I think that means we need to determine which doors we want to shut and which ones we want to open. For the purposes of this article, let us consider those doors you want to deliberately keep open instead of letting them just slam shut (or gradually close).

Maybe you want to decide to keep the doors open to certain experiences, people, things, behaviors, attitudes, practices, strengths, and more. If so, I recommend that you get a door jamb or a prop of some kind to make SURE that the door stays open. It makes sense that your door jamb is actually a plan you need to put into place (no matter how rudimentary at this point) for how you are going to keep particular doors open. Let’s think about some examples:

• Do you need to set up date night with your honey? Will that happen magically or do you need to establish a plan to make that happen?

• Do you need to get a walking partner to keep you on track with your walking plan? Who should you call? And how about calling him/her today?

• Do you need to hire someone to clean your house so that you can continue to enjoy a productive environment, free of detritus? Might there be people who would be happy to fill this role for you?

• Do you need to enroll in a class to increase your skills in one or more areas so you can stay on the cutting edge? Where might you take such classes? Is there a website you can access – today – to learn more?

• Do you need to call a friend to set up time for lunch? If you want to keep up your relationships, this is one way to do so and it takes deliberate actions on your part. Don’t trust this to chance.

• Do you need to join a group that gives you a weekly boost of instruction, direction, and energy? Then get out there and do so!

“It is your life – and it is your decisions that help to make your life what it is. Make a plan that involves these decisions. Surely you don’t want your decision muscles to get flabby“. H.W. Andrews encourages us by saying,

Not all of your decisions will be correct. None of us is perfect. But if you get into the habit of making decisions, experience will develop your judgment to a point where more and more of your decisions will be right. After all, it is better to be right 51 percent of the time and get something done, than it is to get nothing done because you fear to reach a decision.

Decide to keep the doors wide open to what you want in your life. Then make a plan so your decisions become a reality.

Eric Hoffer said,

“A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past.”

When you are deciding where to ‘live’ – in the past, in the future, in the present (or some other cosmic option you might know about) living in the future, just like living in the past, robs us of the present.

Many people over the past year or so have felt a sense of fear, dismay, and negativity that seemed to sweep over people who normally didn’t become fearful and dismayed. This has caused many of us to do some intense thinking about this phenomenon. Let’s think about fear, just a bit.

If you are being chased by a mountain lion or a brown bear, you are afraid – and what you are afraid of, if you really think about it, is the future. It’s your picture, your vision, your imagining that you are going to get clawed, mauled, tossed around, or eaten. You feel fear now (and so would I), but that fear is really about something in the future.

While this may seem a bit dramatic, I want us to get the mental picture of where all fear is directed. It’s always directed in the future. You may want to write that down:

Fear is future-directed.

Even if we are afraid that something we did in the past is going to come back to haunt us – it is not the past that we are really fearful about – it is the future of what will happen when someone (or lots of someones) find out. You can probably think of someone famous in the news right now (no matter when you read this, unfortunately) whose past is jumping up (big time) – but his fear is about the future.

You can probably think of something that you have done that you really, really hope others do not find out about – and you can recognize the fear, worry, and angst that come as we imagine what would happen if people found out. Spending a great deal of time being fearful of the future…based on something from the past, isn’t wise and it certainly isn’t productive.

So, I hope this is clear, that is, that you understand that fear, worry, and anxiety are all future-focused, not present focused. As Tennessee Williams wrote:

“The future is called “perhaps,” which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.”

If you are feeling fearful or worried, see if you need to pull yourself mentally back to the present.  It’s not so scary right here, right now.  Really.

And please, if you want ideas for staying positive, you’re invited to be part of the Staying Positive Society.  

Here are some simple ways to make connections with others (and it is OK to read this even if you are a man).

These are deceptively simple ideas. And, part of what is powerful about them is their simplicity and yet the profundity of what you can accomplish. In the best of all worlds, you could change someone’s life. In most cases, you can brighten the person’s day.

Guess what else? You also brighten your own day by engaging and connecting with others. So, here are ten ways to make connections with others.

1. Write notes. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a quick, preferably hand-written, note.

2. Use social media. Authentically acknowledge what others are doing and saying.

3. Go to lunch. The idea is not to go to lunch by yourself but to go to lunch with someone – for the one and only reason of connecting.

4. Meet for coffee. Just as with #3, you are meeting someone for a beverage just to check in. Surprise someone with an invitation and see what happens.

5. Make a phone call. Out of the blue, call someone you haven’t connected with for awhile. Today.

6. Send a card. Keep a supply of different greeting cards available. If you don’t have just the “perfect” card, then send a standard card with your personalized note in it.

7. Give a hug. If you pay attention, you will notice those who need one.

8. Take food. It can be an entire meal, a treat from your crockpot, some vegetables from your garden, a special take-out dish from a local eatery, or a single cookie or cupcake just to say, “I’m thinking of you.”

9. Put others in touch with one another. You can help others make connections via email, social media, face to face introductions, or a number of other means. Where others take their connections is up to them, but you want to have done your part to tell both parties why you’re making the introduction…and then get out of the way. It’s not about you, it’s about them.

10. Recommend a book. Just the right book at the right time can be a blessing for the person who receives the recommendation. It may be that the book is right or that you were knowledgeable and caring enough to send the recommendation.

Just because these are short doesn’t mean they are to be dismissed.  They are deceptively simple.  You really can make an effort on one of these today – and see what positive connections occur.

To receive weekly sets of 10 productivity tips similar to these, go to www.TopTenProductivityTips.com (and the weekly tips are free).  We are all learning together!