Doc Childre of HeartMath® said:

Managing our emotions increases intuition and clarity. It helps us self-regulate our brain chemicals and internal hormones. It gives us natural highs, the real fountain of youth we’ve been searching for. It enables us to drink from elixirs lock[ed within our cells, just waiting for us to discover them. 

How do you know if you have no emotional energy pockets?

It is different for all of us but here are some commonalities among human beings:

• We feel drained and we will often say, “I’m just emotionally exhausted.”

• We feel depleted and tapped out emotionally.

• We either react in a hyper-emotional way or a hypo-emotional way to particular events. The emotional response is out of kilter with the event. That’s a clue.

• We are short-tempered with people we care about and with ‘everyday’ people.

• We feel depressed (although others may be noticing and we aren’t).

• We….you add your own here.

What do you need to do to create some emotional energy pockets? You will have to answer for yourself, but if I may I make some suggestions…

1. Disconnect from anyone you can who sucks the energy right out of you. It does not give you a pocket yet, but it at least stops some of the ‘outflow’ of energy. You can choose to disconnect for a short time or you can disconnect forever. I recommend the latter in nearly every case.

2. Open up some emotional space (that’s the pocket) where you give yourself what you need. If you need time alone, get that time alone. If you need time to laugh with someone, set up that time. If you need to call someone who loves you no matter what, call him or her. Just tell them what’s going on and let them minister to you.

3. Imagine yourself enfolded in a cocoon. You are protected. It is not that you can not breathe and it is not that you can’t grow, but you are protected while you gain some strength.

4. Trust your inner self, your intuition, to direct you. As Andrea Hess says, your intuition is like a radio station playing softly in the background, and if we just listen more carefully, it is not that what is playing is unfamiliar because it has been playing softly in the background for awhile. It is just that now, we are listening. Tune in and see what your SELF tells you.

5. Get a massage. Massages are fascinating because although most people go to get a massage because they have a physical need, they end up getting emotional (and other) benefits as well.

6. Get some sleep. Our bodies, minds, and souls need sleep. Make arrangements to get some sleep – for many nights in a row. One night of good sleep is not enough to replenish your emotional energy pockets – and even many nights are just part of what you will need if you have become significantly depleted emotionally.

When you are emotionally sapped, i.e., when all your “pockets” are gone, then you are unable to be fully present personally or professionally. No one is served when your stress and exhaustion have taken their toll.

Can you change some of the events that are currently stressing you out?  Are there others over which you really have no control or even any influence?   Hmmm…it might be time to consider what belongs in the various categories for you.

To help you visualize the idea we’re talking about in this article, just draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control -> Significant Impact -> Some Influence -> Zero Control

Take a look at the third circle and label it as ‘Some Influence’ on your Venn diagram.  What belongs here are those people, situations, activities, thoughts, etc. over which you have…yes, ‘some influence,’ but not any control.  Make a list now for each of the following – i.e, a list of those where you may have some influence (vs. control):

• People

• Situations

• Activities

• Thoughts

• Responsibilities

• Other

I hope you stopped yourself before you wrote down some of your first ideas in these categories.  For example, if you thought, ‘Well, the situation with the stock market is really upsetting me,’ but then you realized that you have essentially no control over that – and essentially no influence.  So, there’s no sense to continue worrying about it, right?  I know this is easier said than done.    

Recognize that your influence may be felt in myriad ways.  For example, 

1. Let’s say the plight of women in underdeveloped countries weighs on your mind constantly. You read about it, worry about it, talk about it, and just feel a heaviness about it nearly constantly. You don’t have complete control over what happens and while you could make choices that would allow you to have significant impact on certain women, realistically, this is something you could classify in the ‘Some Influence’ category. You could write articles, write letters, post on blogs to bring the untenable situation these women are in. Think about what Nicholas Kristoff does in this area, for example, in his writing for the New York Times. Or, you could donate money that would make a difference. You could pray. You could engage in many different practices that would influence what is happening in this area

2. Another example of something that would be in the ‘Some Influence’ circle would be your distress over some of the actions and decisions of people in government. You can’t control that and in most cases, you can’t make a Significant Impact, but you can exert Some Influence. Whether it’s by voting, voicing your opinion, appearing on various shows, energizing your neighbors, writing, or many other options. Recognize that you will have some influence when you do this, but it’s not under your control.

As an adult, particularly as an adult who wants to maximize productivity and contribution to the world, figuring out where you can influence what is happening is crucial.  Do some thinking on this and recognize whether you might have been spending some time unproductively trying to ‘make’ something happen (or ‘make someone change’ – ha! We know how well that works).  Instead, exert your influence – and make a difference where you can. 

Do you radiate positive energy?  Does it have an impact on others?  Are you unsure about what qualities you may want to be radiating out to others?

Winston Churchill said:

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

There are people you know (and I know) who radiate everything that is positive (vs. everything that is negative). For example, contrast the person who radiates

• Passion vs. Apathy

• Positivity vs. Negativity

• Kindness vs. Disdain

• Thankfulness vs. Ingratitude

• Light vs. Darkness

• Creativity vs. Destruction

• Optimism vs. Pessimism

• Brightness vs. Dullness

• Intensity vs. Colorlessness

You can probably think of additional contrasting pairs. We want to think about the positive radiance factor of the ones in the first part of each pair when we are assessing ourselves on the Radiance Scale.

First, let’s look at two definitions of radiance from www.MyFavoriteThesaurus.com:

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Hmmm…sounds nice doesn’t it?

Let me explain the idea of the concept of a Radiance Scale.  Draw a series of embedded circles.  Put at least 5 circles with each one somewhat larger until you have filled up your page.

YOU are at the base or core of the Scale. You will want to consider how metaphorically ‘radiant’ you are (using our previous definition, i.e.,

• The quality of being bright and sending out rays of light

• An attractive combination of good health & happiness

Once you have thought about your particular radiance, you can begin to determine how far out you radiate through the various layers of other people.

There are ways of thinking of who else is in the various strata and how far out your impact goes through them. You could think of family as being near the center of the diagram, co-workers maybe being a little bit further out, acquaintances being in the next level, and those you don’t know being toward the outside.

There is not one way to think of this because each of our lives are structured differently and are intertwined with other people’s lives in a host of ways.

As you consider the idea of a Radiance Scale and make your own assessment, ask yourself these questions:

1. How radiant am I?

2. Do I display light, gratitude, optimism, hope, and delight – and at what intensity?

3. Do I want to increase my radiance so that I glow or shine even more? Or, would it be better if I turned it down a bit?

As an adult, you can exercise the executive functions you possess as a part of your cognitive system as an adult human being. You can use those executive functions to control and manage your other cognitive processes. So, determine your radiance and then strategically control and manage it so that YOU, first and foremost, are taken care of and then, and only then, can you strategically make an impact on others. 

Do you think any dust has accumulated under piles of clutter?  Is it possible that there is dirt somewhere in the midst of piles of stuff that need to given away.  Would you find any cobwebs around those places that haven’t been sorted lately?

Let’s just agree that the answer is ‘Yes.’

A simple way to keep the de-cluttering process moving and to keep yourself motivated while you are getting organized is to clean the spaces where you are working just as soon as you take the ‘stuff’ out. 

For example, let’s say that you decided to start with one bookshelf. The best way to proceed is to remove everything from that bookshelf including books, VHS tapes, notebooks, knick-knacks, plants, pictures, piles of papers, whatever is there.

Once you have taken everything off the shelf, take a wipe, a damp cloth, or some other cleaning rag and clean off or out the whole area. Really wipe it down (and all you have to do is take one look at the rag and you’ll know it’s a good thing you’re doing this). I’ve worked with people who were horrified when they started doing this because we needed rag after rag – and it’s why I always taken a giant container of wipes whenever I do a productivity day in someone’s office. I know we may need all 75 wipes!

The reason this is one of the easiest ways to decrease clutter and decrease stress is this:  Just seeing an empty and clean shelf, drawer, file, or wherever you are working, makes you more deliberate about what you choose to put back.  There’s something sacred about a place that is not just clutter-free but is also CLEAN. 

Give it a try and see what a difference it makes. Folks, I’m telling you it’s the little things sometimes that make a big difference!

And you are invited to learn more from the full-color Get a Plan! Guide(R) to Ridding Your Workspace of Clutter to REALLY get going on decluttering.  This special Get a Plan! Guide(R) will give you (and others with whom you work) suggestions and motivation to start de-cluttering your workspace (and even your home).

How can you stay in the present (mentally) – or get to the present? Here are 5 strategies:

1. Breathe. The idea is that you breathe in. Then you breathe out. This helps you to get centered – and somewhere I read that the space between breathing in and breathing out – that’s the present. So actually, right now, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It’s amazing that we need to be reminded.

2. Stand up straight or sit up straight (if you are physically able to do so). Just pull your head up, straighten your spine, pull in your stomach, and of course, breathe. It’s interesting how making sure we are doing all of these behaviors just pulls us to the present. Apparently there is no chance of multi-minding when we are focused – just for a moment – on standing up straight, pulling our head up and our stomachs in – and, oh, yeah…breathing. Those four tasks take all our concentration and are sometimes enough to break us out of whatever past tense, future tense, or too tense thinking we were in just before.

3. Say, “One thing, right now.” It’s a calming phrase. It helps you to get centered again. “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” “One thing, right now.” Say it over and over as needed. Let people around you know that if/when you get into a “state,” they might help you by saying, “One thing, right now.”

4. If you have an object that helps you focus on the present – then use that. It might be something physical, it might be a picture, it might be a quote. It’s whatever will calm your mind enough to focus on now – just now.

5. Make marmalade. This recommendation comes from D.H. Lawrence’s suggestion: “I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor.” The idea, of course, is to take up an activity where you need to be focused. Making marmalade, doing repair, engaging in some kind of intricate work….all of these activities require your focus and that you be present. Figure out what your marmalade activity is.

I promised that these were simple – and they are. Yet, we often don’t apply simple solutions. Give one or more of these a try when you need to bring yourself back to NOW – and see if you aren’t more focused and much more peaceful, too.

What if you want to eat and snack in a healthy manner? Does that mean no more good stuff? And why should you care about this?

Snacking at work can be one of the biggest productivity downfalls for three reasons:

• We DON’T eat at all – and then because we’re starving, we eat half the house when we get home. That is never good. When you eat too much at night, you can’t go to bed comfortably to sleep, and then you toss and turn for hours and are less rested the following day.

• We don’t eat at all while we’re working and our blood sugar takes a dive, along with our mental capacity to think, problem-solve, write, teach, or whatever else we need to be doing. This is no good either!

• We eat goofy things (that’s a technical nutritional term) because they are around. In case you are wondering, pretty much if it comes out of a machine, it’s in the goofy category. Cheese crackers with peanut butter in them. Ugh, but they look tasty when you’re starving. Day-old muffins in the workroom that have hunks cut out of them. Lovely. If you’re scavenging, it’s not a good sign.

Use these two multi-faceted suggestions to eat smart, stay focused, and not turn into a scavenger. It is all much more productive and infinitely more attractive.

1. Fresh vegetables, including asparagus, broccoli, squash, and tomatoes – The list can go on and on here. Whatever is in season (and in many parts of the country, you can get “in season” vegetables that are shipped in from another part of the world – in any season. If you like to buy locally, then just stay alert for what is available. You may also choose to grow your own, especially in the summer. That is REALLY the best and the healthiest. It can be only minutes from garden to table so you’re losing no nutrients. As long as you don’t pile a ton of butter, oil, or other fats on top of your vegetables, you are in good shape. Taking raw or cooked vegetables to work with you as a snack will make you the envy of your co-workers. And, they will wish that they were also getting healthier instead of getting more run down and out of shape.

2. Pasta. Yum! Pasta is another one of the many foods that you might love that can be as tasty – or more tasty – by not loading it up with a bunch of heavy fats that you don’t really want. To tell the truth, plain pasta with nothing on it is good (especially when you are hungry!). Or you can add some fresh vegetables or a small amount of cheese or just some fresh-ground pepper and it tastes scumptious. Pasta is very filling and so then you are not hungry and wondering about the next items you’re going to eat.

So, what will you pack to take to work tomorrow?  I’d love for you to make comments below.  We’re interested in your suggestions!!

Are you an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person? Do you have some tasks, responsibilities, or projects that you have been procrastinating? I will assume that since you are still reading that the answer is yes to both.

If you have a mental list of items that you are procrastinating, I first recommend that you get them out of your head and on to a piece of paper (or into a document on your computer). Either way, get a list – and then we will work on that list.

I want you to look over your list of procrastinated tasks (projects, etc.) and deliberately, mindfully, and purposefully DECIDE to ask for help on at least one of them. I’ll wait right here while you are doing that.

There are two ways to think about this:

1. Sometimes, you need to ask someone else to help you by doing a particular task, errand, or other commitment and

2. Sometimes, you need to ask someone to handle sometime that you have been handling so that YOU can then complete or make progress on one of your procrastinated items.

For example, let’s say you are procrastinating getting several articles finished – all of which you need to get written and published if you are going to be able to confidently go up for tenure. The help you need to ask for is that your significant other get himself and the kids out of the house with minimum muss and fuss for at least 4 hours every Saturday afternoon, rain or shine. That’s the help you need.

In another case, you have been procrastinating cleaning out the garage. You ask a teenager to come over and help you. You are happy to contribute to this young person’s financial well-being if he will help you get things down out of the rafters, off top shelves, and out of various garage nooks and crannies. And, you will be so happy to have him haul things away to a dumpster, Goodwill, recycling places, etc. when the sifting and sorting are complete. You are not delegating out the garage cleaning – you are asking for the help you need so that you can clean out the garage.

Go through your list now and determine the items where you need to deliberately ask for help. Put the name of the person you will be asking for help. The idea here is to think about the ones you’re procrastinating just because you need some kind of help with getting it done.

Here’s a secret: People are glad to help. They are especially glad to help if you have come across as an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person. I know this from experience.

Here’s another secret: It is hard to ask for help if you have been an “I-can-do-it-all-myself” person – and it gets easier. I know this from experience.

Eric Hoffer said,

“A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past.”

When you are deciding where to ‘live’ – in the past, in the future, in the present (or some other cosmic option you might know about) living in the future, just like living in the past, robs us of the present.

Many people over the past year or so have felt a sense of fear, dismay, and negativity that seemed to sweep over people who normally didn’t become fearful and dismayed. This has caused many of us to do some intense thinking about this phenomenon. Let’s think about fear, just a bit.

If you are being chased by a mountain lion or a brown bear, you are afraid – and what you are afraid of, if you really think about it, is the future. It’s your picture, your vision, your imagining that you are going to get clawed, mauled, tossed around, or eaten. You feel fear now (and so would I), but that fear is really about something in the future.

While this may seem a bit dramatic, I want us to get the mental picture of where all fear is directed. It’s always directed in the future. You may want to write that down:

Fear is future-directed.

Even if we are afraid that something we did in the past is going to come back to haunt us – it is not the past that we are really fearful about – it is the future of what will happen when someone (or lots of someones) find out. You can probably think of someone famous in the news right now (no matter when you read this, unfortunately) whose past is jumping up (big time) – but his fear is about the future.

You can probably think of something that you have done that you really, really hope others do not find out about – and you can recognize the fear, worry, and angst that come as we imagine what would happen if people found out. Spending a great deal of time being fearful of the future…based on something from the past, isn’t wise and it certainly isn’t productive.

So, I hope this is clear, that is, that you understand that fear, worry, and anxiety are all future-focused, not present focused. As Tennessee Williams wrote:

“The future is called “perhaps,” which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.”

If you are feeling fearful or worried, see if you need to pull yourself mentally back to the present.  It’s not so scary right here, right now.  Really.

And please, if you want ideas for staying positive, you’re invited to be part of the Staying Positive Society.  

Have you ever tried to control other people?  How does that work out?  Are any of the folks around you a bit negative?  Can you change that? 

Although we can’t CONTROL others, we can impinge on, have an impact on, and influence them. Knowing what is possible and what is reasonable is the crux of the matter. Attempting to do what is neither possible nor reasonable is where we get ourselves all twisted up in ‘control’ issues – and can become more freaked-out rather than less.

To start, please make a list of 10 different things that are freaking you out right now. And if ‘freaking you out’ is too strong a term, include items that are bugging you or are somehow causing you anxiety. These ten could be work or home related and they can be the BIG things or the little things, however you define them.

• You can think broadly about what is happening in the world;

• You can think about your personal bank account;

• You can think about the tooth that is hurting in your mouth right this minute;

• You can think about your brother who is headed into surgery today…

The list can go on and on, big and small. 

Now that you have this list, let’s begin thinking using a Venn diagram. 

1. Draw a series of 4 interlocking circles that go from right to left across a piece of paper you have turned sideways, i.e., landscape.

2. Label each circle thusly:

Total Control ->Significant Impact ->Some Influence ->Zero Control

Looking at the diagram you have, we will start over on the left. This first circle represents the set of actions, events, people, places, etc. over which you have total control. As you move further over to the right of the diagram, each circle represents sets (using Venn diagram language) over which you have gradually less and less control. Certainly, when you are drawing your own variations of this, you may vary the sizes of these circles to better represent what belongs there if that makes more sense to you to do so.

In this article, we are only going to talk about the first circle, i.e., the one representing the first set of actions, events, people, and so forth. The first circle can be labeled as Total Control, so just write that in if you haven’t already. For all of us who are control freaks, we wish this circle were larger, but it’s not – and the sooner we realize that, the better off we will be and the better off those around us will be. Let’s talk about what actually could go in this first circle.

If you look at the list you made of what is either freaking you out, bugging you, or causing you some anxiety, see which ones are COMPLETELY under your control. My guess is that VERY few of the ones you wrote down, and possibly NONE of the ones you wrote down are totally within your control. Here are some possibilities, however:

1. Your weight. Now I will tell you that my weight is not freaking me out, but it’s a source of anxiety. It’s related to my whole ‘what happened to the young and thin and cute person who still lives in my head but doesn’t show up in the mirror’ thing. For our purposes here, I need to recognize that whether I lose weight or don’t is completely under my control. I could put that in my first circle here.

2. Negative talk coming out of my mouth. If any of us is saying negative, gossipy, cynical, unhelpful words, phrases, and sentences, well…that is completely under our control. Unless someone has Tourette’s or some other condition that I am not aware of, we have control over what comes out of our mouths.

I won’t continue with much explanation here of additional examples, but suffice it to say that pretty much all that we have complete control over is our minds and bodies and many of the aspects of what is related to our minds and bodies. What we say, what we eat, what we wear, what we think, what we do (to an extent) is all under our direction and control. And that’s about it, folks. Sorry. But, knowing that can sure make a difference for you as a person, a family member, an administrator, a colleague, a mentor, a teacher, or whatever other role you find yourself in. 

We are going to jump right in. Move. Locomote. Propel yourself. Act. Vary. Go forward. Go somewhere. But move.

“You can’t steer a parked car.”

I tried to find whether this was a quote so I could acknowledge somebody, but I found it in about 10,000 places. This must be one of those statements that a whole lot of people’s parents told them when they were learning to drive, but I never heard it until recently.

“You can’t steer a parked car.”

I love this statement and the concept that it conveys for us who are in business. When we (or someone around us) is stuck in fear, negativity, malaise, hopelessness, sadness, or any of the other damaging (over the long term) places that we can get to, then we need to move. Please note that this is not about a time of sadness after a death or a segment of a day where you feel despondent or negative. This is about getting stuck in place that is not indicative of any kind of engagement in a promising pursuit.

“You can’t steer a parked car.”

You can’t get out of the “bad” place or the “negative” place or the “scared” place or the “problem” place until you move – even just a little bit. You don’t have to floor board the gas pedal to be able to steer, but you have to at least turn on the ignition and take the car out of park. You can gently, oh-so-gently take your foot off the brake and start to roll. Now the car isn’t parked and you can actually steer it.

This is what you can do metaphorically as well. And please know that this is definitely an idea that you can share with an individual who is struggling. Just get the person to take his or her “car” out of park.

Consider a small business owner who just is not going anywhere. She isn’t failing. She isn’t growing. She isn’t doing anything. She talks about closing up shop and only says it half jokingly. She wishes she had more clients but has a million reasons why she doesn’t. She goes to seminars and trainings and then goes back to her office and can only compare herself with the other people she is meeting and finds herself coming up short. She is stuck. Here is what you might say to her – in whatever way your relationship suggests:

1. Take the car out of park and put it in drive.

2. Make a list of 10 ideas that you have learned (or whatever number seems like the right number – it could be more or it could be less). Anyway, make a list of 10 ideas you have learned. You might serve as the scribe while your friend says them. You want her to keep talking and so you can just keep writing.

3. After you have the list, ask, “On this first idea, could you start _____?” Or, “I’m seeing this idea you listed about what you learned. What if we ______?” The idea is to help the person focus on small actions that could be taken. You can’t steer a parked car. When you’re stuck, your car is in park and you ain’t goin’ nowhere…bleh, I say.

If you’re trying to make some changes in your life, if you are trying to go in a different direction or however you would describe it, be clear that you cannot make change or go a different direction if you’re not moving at all. Hello?! You can’t steer a parked car.